Ukrainian journalist IGOR BUTOV tells how he put down his pen to become a battle-hardened soldier

In recent years, Ukrainians have been diligently trying to ignore local hostilities in eastern Ukraine. The war in Donbass was barely mentioned in the news, and it was unheard of to discuss the likelihood of a major conflict.

Unlike most of my countrymen, I believed Russia’s potential aggression was quite real, and I prepared my family and myself for it. 

The arrivals at the Kramatorsk airstrip near Donetsk on February 24 gave us a sense of impending catastrophe. We felt a terror for our life that we had never felt before. However, I tried to be brave enough not to scare my family.

I was at a loss for the first two days of the war: I didn’t know what to do, what to do for my family. The situation was rapidly shifting, and I was concerned that I was losing control of my own life and that I would be unable to respond to my wife’s inquiries about how we should go.

On the evening of February 25, I realized I had to go to fight. The realization came naturally and literally released me from torment, instilling calm confidence in me.

My wife didn’t agree with my plan – she didn’t want me to endanger myself, so she sought backing from her parents and eldest daughter.

All attempts to talk about the need for my participation in the war at the time resulted in her crying. As a result, I quietly packed my belongings into my bag while she pretended not to notice and privately grieved in the room with our eldest daughter.

When I joined the army, the first thing I discovered was that war was not a heroic route for a soldier, but rather a path of hard labour.

To be honest, it was difficult for me at first. I had to put in a lot of physical effort, but I didn’t know how to work with my hands and didn’t enjoy it.

My squad crossed the front line a week later. Our front line service was hard as well.

While the news was buzzing with active fighting in the Kyiv area, Kharkiv, Chernikov, and Nikolaev, as well as Russian crimes against our population, my unit went about its business at the advanced observation post, where we were to watch and report on the situation. 

The enemy then assaulted our side with mines, but with little success; it was more of a harassing fire.

A week ago, we were hit by the active phase of the war: round-the-clock shelling, corrected by drones, allowing the enemy to squeeze us out of our positions. 

Due to a lack of vehicles, the group and surrounding units evacuated on foot, dumping all unneeded items save ammo along the way.

The total shelling and forced retreat hardened and rallied the fighters, and we are currently re-staffing and preparing for future engagements. 

The unit was able to make up for the loss of equipment and items in just a few days thanks to the help of volunteers.

From the conversations of brothers, I can draw an unambiguous conclusion that most of us are now more ready for military operations than before the retreat. 

I can assume that there are several reasons behind this readiness: we’ve reached conclusions and are prepared to battle, having learned from our failures in the past.

Being under artillery fire tempers a soldier and leads him to believe that if he can perform a task in a situation over which he has no control (you just lie in your trench and wait for a shell to fly into your trench), then everyone will have a chance to influence the situation when they come into contact with the enemy or use a combat technique.

I see that my colleagues are aware of this opportunity and are prepared to seize it; this is an unusual sense of solidarity among my colleagues that I had not noticed before. I’m sure they never imagined themselves in this position, because just a week ago, several of us were volunteers with no combat experience.

The battle in the Donetsk and Luhansk regions has its own unique characteristics: sadly, the Ukrainian army is fighting not only against Russians, but also against the residents of the occupied territories, whom Russia has armed and converted against Ukraine.

I heard about the Russians’ harsh treatment of residents in our area of stay, and I observed that civilians in the JFO zone need food and assistance. 

Worst of all, people’s psyches are harmed, and someone is slowly going insane from fear and hopelessness. 

For those who have experienced combat, their feeling of security is eternally lost. It is really difficult on the elderly, women, and children; they are tired of being terrified, and they are unsure if they will survive.

I assume you’re interested in hearing about other people’s deaths, injuries, suffering, anguish, and grief… Have I seen everything? Unfortunately, the answer is yes.

This is terrifying! When it comes to you, believe me, it’s so terrifying that I won’t even attempt to describe it… God forbid you feel such terror or see the source of it with your own eyes. Please, God, do not let this happen…

I’d conclude my post by expressing my appreciation to the European people (I’m not sure how to call them), because I see and feel your assistance on the front lines, and sometimes I even feel it in my hands, which aids us in destroying the aggressor.

My wife now lives in Amsterdam with her children, they were taken in by strangers. The prevalence of Ukrainian insignia on the streets of Amsterdam, as well as the generosity of local inhabitants toward Ukrainians, were the first things she wrote to me that impressed her.

Thank you for your support! I hope you will not stop halfway, and we will be able to free our country from the invasion of self-proclaimed brothers thanks to your help.

Glory to Ukraine!